It Works If You Work It: Action, Willingness, Honesty, And My Guitar
Jenni Schaefer

I wanted to learn to play the guitar. So I asked experienced guitar players how to get started. One person said that investing in a nice guitar would inspire me to practice a lot. I bought a top of the line guitar. Someone else told me to always keep this expensive investment on a guitar stand in the living room. He explained that I would be inspired to practice more often if the guitar were out of its case and readily available to be played. So I kept my nice guitar on a stand in my living room. And that is all I got --- a nice guitar on a stand in my living room. I never learned how to play it.

The other day my friend gave me the best advice of all. To learn how to play the guitar, I needed to actually play the guitar. Buying a pretty guitar and putting it in my living room are great, but there is no substitution for picking up the instrument and playing it. I needed to take action. Apparently, there is no easier, softer way.

My friend’s words of wisdom reminded me of a phrase that I often hear in twelve-step rooms: “It works if you work it.” At about the same time of my guitar purchase, I was struggling with anorexia/bulimia and made my first appearance in twelve-step meetings. In an attempt to recover from my eating disorder, I attended meetings, read self-help books, and even went to therapy. I liked talking to people in meetings, enjoyed hanging out in bookstores, and even had fun in therapy sessions. But I was not getting better.

I was not taking any real action. I attended twelve-step meetings, but I did not work the Twelve Steps. (I incorrectly assumed that three out of the twelve would be sufficient for my recovery.) I read self-help books, but I never used the information to help myself. I went to therapy but did not apply what I learned. My recovery was not working, because I was not working.

I began to get worse. I thought that something needed to change. It turned out that something had to change. And so the not-so-fun-part of recovery began. I put my nose to the grindstone, and my nose began to hurt --- bad. In fact, everything inside and out began to hurt. I experienced feelings in places that I never knew existed. I am not talking about warm, fuzzy feelings but cold, sharp pain that pierced my inner core.

People said, “It works if you work,” and I was finally working it. I started writing my fourth step. At my therapist’s advice, I began to write my thoughts and feelings regularly in a journal. I completed his suggested therapeutic exercises. (I even did the ones that seemed corny, because they always helped in the end.) I tried my best to follow my dietitian’s food plan.

And it just kept hurting. I hear that people learning how to play the guitar have to go through the pain of developing calluses on their fingers. I guess I was developing my calluses. I kept thinking, “This better really work.” I looked at recovered people around me who had done the work for themselves. They seemed happy, peaceful, and free, so I held onto the belief that it would work for me, too. Holding onto this belief, I became willing to do whatever it takes to recover --- continuing to take action regardless of the pain and becoming honest despite the fear.

I became completely honest. First, I was honest with myself about whether or not I was truly taking an active role in my recovery. I was honest with my friends, family, and other members of my support team. When I lapsed into old, destructive behaviors, I told them about my fall. By being completely honest, I could get back on track as soon as possible.

Action. Willingness. Honesty. It works if you work it. They were telling the truth. They told me that the excruciating pain would not last forever. They even told me that I would learn how to deal with pain I experience in my life in healthy ways. They said that I could really find freedom from food and weight obsessions. I could discover my passions and follow my dreams. I could find serenity and joy. It took lots of work, but it worked.

I wish I could say the same for my guitar. I still dream of playing songs on the guitar someday. I actually just made a new commitment to learn how to play it. I will hire an expert to set my guitar up correctly. I will sign up for lessons. I will select fun songs to play. Oh, and I will actually play it this time!

It plays if you play it.
It works if you work it.
And as they say in twelve-step rooms, “I’m worth it.”

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Jenni Schaefer is a singer/songwriter, speaker, and the author of Life Without Ed:
How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You
Can Too (McGraw-Hill). She is a consultant and spokesperson with Center for
Change in Orem, Utah. For more information, visit www.jennischaefer.com or
email jenni@jennischaefer.com.